


Wintercearig

by Ariejul



Series: Alone in the Fallout [24]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Familial Love, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Longing, Marital Issues, Pre-Baby Jitters, Pregnancy, remembering the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 18:07:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariejul/pseuds/Ariejul
Summary: Wintercearig: lit "winter-sorrowful"; the feeling of a deep sadness comparable to the cold of winter.Bobby visits Julia during her pregnancy as she tries not to fall apart.Pre-war.





	Wintercearig

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> So, I was initially going to post this as the next chapter of Desiderium, but I realized that this was also something that happened during the main story-line, so I chose to post it outside of my AU. Just be aware this also happens in that story-line, too.
> 
> Anyway, this is a little more history between Julia and Nate's kid brother, Bobby. 
> 
> Edit: Some recommended listening for this chapter if you like: In the End by the Anix https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHK7qbQgixY
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Comments/kudos are always welcome and loved!

**Pre-War, Approximately 2076.**

**\---**

“Hey, Julie-Boolie-Boo.”

Julia turns from her needlepoint, surprise flickering across her face when she notices who it is. She smiles. “Hi, Bobby. It’s been a while. Come in, come in. Sorry I can’t get up.”

He laughs, bypassing the chair and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “Don’t you worry about that.” He leans over and hugs her tightly. “How are you doing, sis?”

Julia inhales deep to calm the sudden erratic beat of her heart. “I’m… okay. Having to stay in bed all day is so tedious. It’s just hours on end of nothing to _do._ Look at me, I’ve taken up needlepoint! I’m becoming my mother,” she murmurs gravely.

“And just what, pray tell, is wrong with that? I’ll have you know, your mother is a very lovely woman, Jules.” Bobby gestures grandiosely as he speaks, and Julia is giggling softly by the end.

“Brown-noser,” she snarks.

He frowns, feigning injury. “Hey, how else was I supposed to get in here? She has the place on strict no shenanigans allowed lock down. It’s really quite tragic. Had to butter her up a little so I could see my favorite girl.”

His words wrench open a wound she’d buried down deep inside her chest and attempted to forget, a lingering desire for things she shouldn’t have. Julia shies away. Those wants have no place in her life now.

“Oh, _please._  We both know my mother adores you. Besides, the fact that I’m home at all and not locked away in the hospital is sheer luck, Bobby. Momma is just doing what she thinks is best for me,” she rests a hand against her belly, “and for my baby.”

Bobby sobers, absently drumming his thumbs against his thighs. “So, thought of a name, yet?”

Her smile takes on a bittersweet tone as she stares at her hands. Her baby stirs beneath them, and without thinking Julia takes Bobby’s hand and presses it against her stomach just as her baby kicks. His eyes light up with wonder, and it makes Julia grin.

“We were thinking Shaun.”

“After Grandad?” Bobby asks, face breaking into a pleased grin. “That’s really nice, Jules. I like it.”

His hand is still resting on her stomach, thumb idly rubbing small circles, and Julia doesn’t have the heart to move it. She’s missed Bobby, even if the distance between them was self-imposed. Their dalliance had been overwhelmingly passionate, an all consuming force that nearly swept her away. Julia still dreams of it on occasion. The ones during her pregnancy have been particularly vivid, just to torment her and happen far too often for her liking.

Only Nate’s injuries and subsequent return made her question those actions. That her beloved husband was nearly killed while she was frolicking around like a lovesick teenager for three years with his brother… it makes her stomach roll. She ended their affair immediately and told Bobby to stay away from her. As much as she still craves him – still _love_ _s_ _him_ _–_ she gave him up because her Nate _needed_ her.

It isn’t a decision she necessarily _regrets_ , but she does guiltily ponder the possibilities more often than she should, especially now that Nate is so distant.

They still see one another often. Nate’s injuries and rehab require a lot of care, and Bobby _is_ family. He often visited in the hospital or attended appointments after Nate’s discharge. Bobby and Nate were always quite close, and that hasn’t changed. As much as she would have liked to completely cut ties for a while, it was an impossibility. She would never deny her Nate his beloved brother, even if seeing him was little better than torture.

Bobby was and still is the consummate gentleman. He never oversteps his bounds; if he does touch her, it’s rare and brief. The occasional hug, maybe a peck on the cheek, but even those small gestures, while fleeting, still set her on fire. She can count the number of times she’s been alone with Bobby since then on one hand. He’s always found a reason to keep it from happening. Nate needing him, a forgotten errand, _something_. It certainly stings, but Julia is grateful. If he had pressed back at all, she isn’t sure she could have kept telling herself no.

Julia still loves him, after all.

A part of her is surprised her mother let him in, but Eleanor was always a bit of a soft touch with Bobby. Julia recalls asking her once why. Apparently Bobby reminds her mother of Julia’s late father, Maxwell, when he was young. It isn’t something she likes to think about too long.

Julia never told her the reason, but Eleanor, bless her, knew something was off between them. She’d even asked pointblank if their relationship was more than just that of brother and sister-in-law once. It’d hurt, lying to her mother, but it wasn’t a secret she could bear to share. Her mother never spoke of it again, but did give Julia a vague warning to be careful.

Bobby snaps back to himself, jerking away and drawing her from her thoughts. He blushes, staring at his lap. “Sorry, Jules, I didn’t…” he sighs, “I didn’t mean anything by that.”

Her heart stammers in her chest. “It’s okay, Bobby. I didn’t mind.”

His eyes clench shut with a frown, and Julia bites back the urge to apologize. Silence falls between them, awkward and far-reaching, but at least Bobby isn’t leaving. That selfish little part of herself she’s constantly silencing is glad. With Nate so far away, it’s nice having _someone_ that isn’t her mother here _._

“So,” he says, after a time, “how’s my brother doing?”

Julia sighs softly at that, raking a hand through her hair. “I dunno, Bobby. It’s hard for me to tell anymore. Things have been… different, since he came back. One minute he’s fine, the next he’s someone I don’t know. He seems okay, but I just… don’t know.”

Bobby nods solemnly. “I thought he seemed off last time I was here, but he didn’t want to talk about it with me. I’m really starting to worry.”

“Me, too,” she whispers, pressing a hand to her overly rotund belly. “When we found out I was pregnant, I thought maybe it would help, and I guess it did, a little. But now… he’s further away than he’s ever been. I… feel alone and lost. I don’t know what to do.”

“You aren’t alone, Jules,” he says, taking her hand and squeezing. “I got you, okay? Until my brother gets himself sorted, I’ll help with whatever you need.”

Julia flinches slightly at that, pointedly not thinking about Bobby’s hands on her body. That part of their relationship is over, and she can’t afford to think about it now. “Bobby, you know that we… I can’t…”

He drops her hand like it burns. “I know. I wasn’t suggesting anything like _that._ I just want to be here for you, Jules. I’m really worried about you, too.”

“Hey,” she murmurs, trying to smile, “don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Nate needs you more than I do.”

Bobby scowls at her. He shifts to face her, the top of his thigh pressing against the side of her leg. “Jules, you’ve been so busy worrying about Nate you haven’t been taking care of yourself. And don’t give me that look. I talked to Eleanor. She told me everything.”

Julia sighs heavily, rubbing her face with the palm of her hand. Of course her mother would have told Bobby. Outside of Nate, he’s the only person she’ll listen to, and Nate isn’t really in any position to help right now. “Look, I’m in bed. I’m bored senseless. I don’t know what else you want from me,” she snaps, staring at her lap.

The next thing she knows, Julia is in his arms, and Bobby is petting her hair. Suddenly, it’s hard to breathe. “It’s okay to be upset. You know that, right? You don’t have to bottle everything up. I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, too. We _love_ you. Everything’s going to be okay.”

His words fracture her precarious self-control, and Julia starts sobbing into his shoulder. Because she is _terrified_ right now. Terrified that Nate is never going to get better and come back to her, that her baby is going to die, that everything is going to fall apart despite her efforts. She loves her husband so, so much, and she hurt him because of her own selfishness. It’s something she can’t ever take back.

Her hands curl into fists in his shirtfront, and she sobs brokenly, chest aching so acutely she’s actually wondering if she might die. Bobby holds her through it all, cooing softly in her ear, and that _hurts_ , too, because she should not love him the way she does. He isn’t her husband, and he never will be.

Her tears eventually dry up, leaving behind a dull emptiness in her chest. Bobby pulls back, giving her a reassuring grin as he swipes the wetness from her cheeks. “Better?”

Julia nods, leaning against the palm of his hand and closes her eyes. “Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, silly girl,” he murmurs. “I love you and want what’s best for you, and if that means crying on my shoulder now and again, well, I’ll just have to take one for the team.”

Those three little words lance straight through her, but she knows he doesn’t mean them the way she wants. He can’t. Not anymore. “Yeah, yeah,” she jokes, punching him playfully. “I’m sure you’re just devastated.”

There’s a sadness lingering in his eyes she doesn’t want to acknowledge. “Jokes aside, I really do want you to be happy, so lemme know if I can do anything to help make that possible, okay?”

Julia swallows down the sudden urge to kiss him. “Get me Nate back, and that would make me the happiest girl in the world.”

Bobby grimaces, hand falling away from her finally. “You can count on me.”


End file.
